Sunday, March 3, 2013

WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?



I started this blog originally to write thoughts, ideas and anything I thought worthy of discussion. Then I started doing book reviews and then working so I didn't have much time. Now I really want to return to the initial purpose, at least interdespersed from time to time. 

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about where I'm at, Lindell's passing, what I'm going to do etc. I've been trying to keep my hands off and let God lead and direct.  Since I was advised in various ways to not make any major decisions for at least a year after Lindell went home, I've applied for jobs in several different locations waiting to see what God may do.  I figure wherever I get a permanent job, if I do, will be where I replant myself.  With my kiddos all being somewhat scattered and three in ministry, I know I can't settle somewhere because of them.  They each have their own lives and even when I'm living by them I don't see them that often. 

I've thought a lot about our journey with the cancer, how we could have dealt with it differently had some things not happened the way they did.  But I trust that God knew all along how it was going to play out and he sees the big picture. Whatever the reason He is my God and I will forever serve and worship Him.

Sometimes it is hard to see beyond the present circumstances.  On KLove  yesterday I head "After Winter in life there is a Spring." Right now we are in the winter weather season, and you so look forward to the spring but so much more I am in the winter of my life and yearn for spring. There are times when for no apparent reason I begin to cry and miss my best friend of 40+ years. I feel lost and don't know what I should do much less even want to do. Since I'm virtually homeless, and depending on where I'm working as to whichever sons home I happen to be camping at, I live out of suitcases.  

I never dreamed I'd be here at this time of life, with nothing to look forward to.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not despondent or about to give up.  I have no hope except in My God and I put all my trust in Him. I know that is all I need.  I do just wish He'd give me an idea what was the next step, J

2 comments:

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